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things have happened
um. i spent a lot of time screaming in the ocean, i got engaged, i left school & went back to school, i developed & kicked a benzo habit, i spent a lot of time in the hospital, i was kidnapped by a friend & taken to some remote desert in arizona for a few days, i briefly fell in love with a teenager from michigan, i became somewhat popular on another website that's just as toxic as this one, what else happened, i tried to commit suicide badly & got a bouquet of new diagnoses, i got paid to have my brain scanned, last night i pierced my own ear in the library, i made friends in college even a platonic friend, i became less bitt
so i'm not really here
anymore & i probably won't be, forever; basically, it's the same complaints everywhere, but the amount that poetry here has become a practice of cocksucking and pandering is unbearable to me, with everyone's fake or incredibly stupid glorification of one another, it's the blind leading the fucking blind & i don't feel welcome at all here anymore, and i don't feel comfortable sharing my work on this website & i don't want to be associated with it any longer: read more and you will see that none of us are any fucking good at this and you might get better if you stop taking yourself / the opinions of other bored children like ourselv
something that happened
& i hate college students who complain about the work you have to do in college as much as the next person, & so anyway in class i said to the girl sitting next to me, "this reading made me want to kill myself" and after class she pulls me aside all upset like and tells me, blessings to her for actually giving a fuck about these matters, says to the extent of "you can't go around making light of suicide; you don't know who around you is thinking about it or lost someone to it" & what i wish i told her, and keep thinking about (of course i backed away quietly and went home to nap), is that -- and coming from someone who's had thoug
if your compassion does not include
yourself, it is incomplete:
i'll get around to these 700+ messages
so some of you. i haven't been noticing much
but a few of you have come to me looking for life advice, poetry advice and
it's flattering but truly, you can do better, because i really
don't have my shit together. i finished reading catullus in latin
and it sidelined me for a week and
(i don't know what these line breaks are for sorry)
so you don't need that. and as for poetry advice, you know all you have to do
is get the fuck out of your own head and write the poem, even if you're tired
or busy or choleric, and if you can't write because you cut off both
your own hands a
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So hard sometimes.